The Way Back (Emerald Bay #1) Read online

  “And you’re goin’ to be a fireman – it’s like every little boy’s dream coming true for you.” He took another sip of coffee.

  “We’ve been doing the training – I just have to pass one more first aid course and I’m done. The station’s opening next month, and we’ve got more than enough volunteers on the books to get it going. I’m really looking forward to it.” I set my coffee on the reception counter and lifted one of the new bikes, moving it to the front of the store.

  “Good on you, mate – I hope it goes well. Anyway, I’m off to work. Think about Diablos tonight, okay?” Dave headed for the front door.

  “All right – I’ll see if Mum and Dad can watch the girls.” I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair.

  He laughed. “That’s my man!”

  “See you!”

  When he left, I exhaled slowly.

  I’m sorry. I whispered it to Suzy, even though I knew she couldn’t hear me. She couldn’t hear anything anymore. My heart slammed against my ribcage, threatening to break free. When will it hurt less? People keep telling me that it will get easier with time.

  Time is a lying witch.

  CHAPTER THREE

  ELEANOR

  As we pulled into the circular driveway, memories rushed at me, sending my heart knocking against my ribs. Why am I here? I should have gone somewhere completely new, where no one knows me and started afresh. I shouldn’t have come here.

  I shook my head, pulling the steering wheel to the right as we wound our way up to the front of the house. I had nowhere else to go – I had to come home. I needed help, help that my parents had promised to give. So here we were, and I’d just have to come to terms with it. Not to mention coming to terms with the look of disappointment and judgment on people’s faces when they saw me. Eleanor Farmer, returning home a failure.

  We had such high expectations of Eleanor. It’s such a shame what’s become of her. That’s what they’d say, I was sure of it.

  My childhood home was a two-story red-brick veneer house with a wide veranda wrapped around the entire second level. An enormous jacaranda tree stood in the middle of the front yard, its long branches leaning warmly over the drive, purple petals drifting like snow to the gravel below. The truck crunched over the purple carpet, moaning and sighing as I brought it to a halt beside the front steps and set the hand brake.

  “You’re here!” My mother’s happy voice rang out across the yard and through the truck’s open windows. She hurried down the stairs, her arms raised skyward, and grinned at us all.

  I clambered out of the truck, jumping from the last step to the ground below. “We made it.”

  “Hi, Nanna,” yawned Stella as she was wrapped up in a bear hug.

  “Oh, it’s so good to see you!” My mother Helen loved being a grandmother – said it made her feel young again, that grandchildren were a gift. I smiled as I watched her embrace each of them, exclaiming over their toys and the little things they wanted to show off to her the moment they saw her.

  I walked over and laid my arm across her comfortable shoulders. “Good to see you, Mum.”

  She kissed my cheek and held a hand to my face as she searched my eyes. She wanted to see how I was doing, and was good at figuring me out with one look. She’d had years of practice. “You too, sweetheart – we’re so glad you’re home.” She leaned in and whispered, “Did you see Mack before you left?”

  “Yeah. He and Rachel took the kids out to dinner.”

  “Oh.” She was disappointed, and irritation flashed across her delicate features. “Her.”

  “Yes, Mum, they’re engaged now,” I sighed. “I told you that.”

  “I know, but I just thought that perhaps you two might … you know?” She nodded at me, not wanting to spell it out in front of the kids.

  “You thought we’d get back together,” I whispered, already annoyed.

  “Well, maybe. I mean, you two were so good together –”

  “At first.”

  “For a long time! Until Rachel came along.” She spat the last few words out of her mouth as though they were poison.

  I sighed again. “I’d rather not talk about it, Mum. Where’s Dad?”

  “Oh, he’s inside – the cricket’s on and he’s about to blow a gasket over it. Let’s go in and see if we can irritate the fool out of him by standing in front of the TV talking loudly, shall we?” She grinned mischievously.

  I laughed. My Mum could always make me laugh – and cry. She was skilled at both. But either way, I was happy to be home — even if I did feel like a failure for skulking back here.

  * * *

  The salt air caressed my face. A flock of gulls chirped around my feet, ducking and weaving as they fought for the position closest to me, hoping for a scrap of food. Lifting my face toward the horizon, I held my arms above my head and let the wind buffet me, sand stinging my legs and the last rays of the reddening sun glinting against my closed eyelids.

  Breathe. Just breathe. In. Out. In. Out.

  There was something magical about the beach – the sound of the waves crashing rhythmically against the golden sand, the whistle of the constant wind, the smell of salt in the air, the call of ocean birds. It was all so peaceful. It made me feel peaceful. For the first time in a long time, the pounding of my heart slowed to a steady beat and the rush of adrenaline dissipated as I soaked it all in.

  Home.

  I was right to come. I’m not alone now. This is my world, my people, my place. I fit here – at least I used to. And maybe I will again.

  Striding along the beach front, I revelled in the feel of the sand between my toes. A smile on my face, I walked between the dunes, then skipped across the street.

  I heard the screech of thin tires on tarmac before I felt the impact. My head spun around to face the noise, and for a split second I saw a bicycle careening toward me, its back end fishtailing as the rider attempted to pull it up. Then he hit me with a sickening thud, sending me flying to the ground.

  I lay on my stomach, eyeing the black of the road beneath me. Disbelief and shock flooded my mind. I felt the throb of pain in my left leg and my side. Pushing myself back onto my rear, I sat and brushed the dirt and gravel from my knees and hands, taking care not to further damage the grazed skin. “Ow.”

  Grey eyes shadowed by a concerned brow pushed their way into my field of vision. “What the hell? Are you okay? I’m so sorry – you just ran right out in front of me, and I couldn’t stop in time.”

  “I think so. It’s okay, really, it wasn’t your fault. I didn’t look where I was going. Daydreaming.”

  I looked at him again, my heart skittish at his closeness as he leaned over me. I could smell his sweaty musk. His eyes were clear grey with a darker line of blue around the outside of each iris. He wore a bike helmet, black Lycra shorts and a tight Lycra shirt. Even in my pain I couldn’t help noticing the curve of his muscular chest, the lines of his biceps and the spattering of stubble across his chiselled cheeks.

  I spoke before I was conscious of thinking it. “Finn?”

  He looked confused, then recognition dawned. “Eleanor?”

  They say that love at first sight isn’t reality, just a fantasy dreamed up by Disney to make us part with our hard-earned cash, to make little girls dream of princes and castles and happily ever after.

  It doesn’t happen. It isn’t real.

  But it did to me. I was fourteen years old when I first met Finn Matthews, and I fell in love with one look from those stormy blue eyes.

  My palms grew damp with sweat and my pulse raced as he hovered over me. “Yep, it’s me. Good to see you, Finn.” I nervously tugged at my skirt, pulling it down over my knees.

  “I didn’t know you were back in town.”

  “I just moved back – today, actually.”

  “Wow.” He quickly stood, and I could have sworn he looked irritated by what I’d said. Although what right he had to be irritated I didn’t know. Then he reached out a hand. “I’m so sorry, Elle. Here, let me help you up.”

  I grabbed hold of his outstretched hand, and he pulled me easily back onto my feet.

  “Thanks.” I stepped up onto the curb.

  He lifted his bike from the ground and laid it against a nearby pole, joining me on the sidewalk. He pulled off his helmet and placed it on the handlebars, then turned to face me. He smiled, scratching his ruffled hair with one hand and looking at me from under raised eyebrows. “So you’re back. For good?”

  “For now.”

  “Oh.” He seemed to be working hard to hide his curiosity.

  “I’ve found a little house over on Pioneer Crescent. We’ll be renting there until I find a place to buy.”

  “We?”

  “Yes, me and the kids.”

  “How many do you have?” he asked.

  “Three. A boy and two girls. Do you have any?” I knew he did – I’d heard that much from Mum, who’d spoken to his mother at the RSL Club one Saturday years earlier.

  “Yeah, two girls. We’re living just outside of town – Cabarita.”

  “It’s beautiful down there.” We were speaking to each other like strangers, like we didn’t mean everything in the world to each other once. Like we hadn’t seen each other naked – a lot. The sudden memory of that made me cross my arms over my chest as heat rose through my body, flooding my neck and face with warmth.

  “Yeah, it is. Listen, um … some of us are going to Diablos later tonight. I know everyone would love to see you. Why don’t you come?”

  “Wow, thanks – that sounds great. But I think I should stay home with the kids tonight. First night in a new town, you know.” The last thing I wanted was to see the entire crew on my first day back. I needed to gather my thoughts, take some time to settle back into life in Emerald Bay. I wasn’t ready to face all the questions – and there would be questions.

  “Of course, I get it. Maybe some other time. Well, I should get home – just finished work and I have to go get the girls from my parents’ place. Are you sure you’re all right?”

  “I’m fine, really. I’ll see you later, then?”

  “It seems like it.” He smiled again, then jumped on his bike, pushing off down the street.

  Seeing Finn again had brought it all flooding back. The memories of my teenage years: laying in his arms, partying on the beach, him on his bike with me riding high on the handlebars in front of him. He hadn’t worn Lycra in those days, just board shorts that hung low on his hips. No shirt. His bike had almost always sported a surfboard in a bag slung over his shoulders.

  I thought about how he looked now. He seemed to have grown even fitter and more muscular in the intervening years. I found it hard to believe that he’d gotten better looking with age. The flush still hadn’t left my cheeks. I held my hands up to my face, feeling the warmth as I pictured him again in my mind’s eye.

  I should stay away from him. I can’t trust myself around him. I never could.

  Finn was someone I hadn’t considered when I decided to move home. I couldn’t believe Mum hadn’t told me he was back – she always told me everything about everyone. I knew that old Mrs. Moore had a lumpectomy last week, that George Farris was having an affair with Gladys Hilston, that Fanny Holder was pregnant for the fifth time, but I didn’t know about Finn moving home.

  He was a risk I couldn’t afford to take.

  It wasn’t just me I had to consider any longer. I had three little people relying on me. The kids needed me whole, and Finn wouldn’t leave me intact. He was the one person on earth who could ruin me. He would break my heart all over again – and considering its current state, I didn’t think it could face another round in the ring and continue functioning.

  I would just have to avoid him. It would be hard given how small this town was, but not impossible. No, I couldn’t let Finn Matthews back into my life, not if I wanted to remain sane for my children. Not if I wanted to heal. And I did want that now, more than anything.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  FINN

  The sweat ran down the sides of my face and I pounded my feet on the pedals harder and with more urgency.

  Eleanor Farmer.

  I couldn’t believe she was back. Just when I felt like I was getting a handle on my life, when I thought I had everything finally under control, she had to show up like an unlucky penny. The last time I saw her, she’d ripped me apart and walked away like she didn’t even care. As if I meant nothing to her – when she was everything to me.

  I’d recovered. It took a while, but I’d done it. Then I met Suzy and she’d helped put me back together. And now Suzy was gone, and Eleanor was back. Here, in my town. Our town. Why was she here? What had brought her back? She’d once told me she’d never move home again. Why did she do it? Why now? And what about Mack, her husband? She hadn’t mentioned anything about him.

  My chest was heaving. I pushed my body to its limits as I followed the straight coastal road to Cabarita. The dunes to my left were spotted with swaying clumps of grey-green sea grass. Their golden peaks were highlighted by the sun setting over the sparkling ocean as the wind died down to greet the approaching dusk. On this side of the dunes, hidden from the sun, blackening shadows lurked where the night creatures would soon begin to stir.

  I thought I’d left her behind all those years ago, that she would stay hidden in the past, out of my thoughts, out of my dreams, out of my life. But here she was, as beautiful as ever. Thinking about the way her blond hair had fallen across her cheeks as she brushed off her hands and knees still gave me a thrill. I could feel the need rising within me. Those blue eyes, that delicate freckled nose moving quickly before my vision.

  I shook her from my head and focused on the road slipping by beneath me. She didn’t want me then and she wouldn’t want me now. We’d played that game before and I’d lost. I didn’t want to play it again, not with her.

  She had the ability to devour every part of me. And that was something I wasn’t ready for.

  * * *

  “Eleanor Farmer’s back?” Dave stared at me, his face incredulous.

  “Yep.”

  “Oh crap.”

  “Well put.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  “Nothing.” My eyes snapped at him, daring him to protest.

  “Okay. Good plan. Think it’ll work?” He smirked at me before chugging his schooner of beer.

  I rubbed my hands across my eyes and grimaced. “No idea.”

  “Why did you two break up again?”

  “We went off to different colleges. She said she didn’t think we could make the long-distance thing work. So I made it easy on her and walked away. She didn’t break up with me exactly, but it’s where she was headed, and I didn’t have the strength to wait for her to say it so I said it first. But it’s what she wanted.”

  Dave sipped at his next beer and glanced up at the stage where Mia Hampton, another high school friend, was tuning her guitar for her next set on the tiny Diablos stage. “I remember what you were like after she left.” His face was serious now and his earnest eyes found mine. “Wasn’t good.”

  “I know.”

  “So you’re not going there again, are you?” he asked.

  “No. Definitely not.”

  “Good. Why am I not convinced?”

  “You should be. I’m not going there.” I raised an eyebrow and sipped my beer.

  “Okay. Good.” He watched me, suspicion still filling his face.

  “What? I’m not.”

  “You’ve never been able to resist that woman.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous.”

  “Dude, you’ve loved her since eighth grade, from the first moment you laid eyes on her. I remember it clearly, so don’t try to blow smoke. She’s as much a part of you as the blood runnin’ through your veins.”

  “Not anymore. Things change. I’m not the same person I was then.” I almost had myself convinced.

  “I hope so.” His voice lacked conviction.

  “You’ll see.”

  “Okay. I believe you.”

  “You should.” I took another sip.

  “I do.” He raised his hands in mock surrender, a half-grin on his face.

  I twisted the beer mug around in a circle on its coaster, watching the amber liquid spinning inside. I was trying to make myself think it was all going to be okay, that Eleanor Farmer wasn’t already in my head, occupying my every thought after a two-minute encounter on the street.

  I almost believed it.

  Almost.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  ELEANOR

  I pulled the throw over my legs, bent them up beneath me and snuggled down further against the couch cushions.

  “What is Poland?” my father shouted at the television. He and my mother waited with bated breath.

  Alex Trebek spoke from the screen, “What is Poland?”

  “Yes!” My parents jumped up and high-fived each other. I rolled my eyes at them, while secretly loving the familiarity of it all, their ridiculous enthusiasm for all things competitive.

  Sitting down, my mother turned to me, her eyes sparkling. “You should go out, sweetheart. We can stay here with the kids – they’re all in bed. I bet you haven’t gone out in ages, have you?”

  “I suppose. But you know, I’d much rather just stay here with you and Dad. We have a big day tomorrow, moving into the new house and everything. We should have gone over there today, really, but I’m glad we didn’t. It’s nice to be here with you guys.”

  “So you’re going to try to move everything in tomorrow?”

  “I think we’ll probably do it over a couple of days. I promised the kids I’d take them surfing tomorrow – a kind of bribe. I’m trying to get them onside with this whole ‘moving away from their childhood home and everything they’ve ever known and loved’ business.”

  Dad didn’t take his eyes off the screen. “Well, you can stay here as long as you like,” he grunted.

  “Thanks, Dad. But we really do need to get settled as soon as possible. The kids are starting at their new school a week from Monday, and I’ve got my first day at Sea World as well. So I’d like to get into the new house and get unpacked before all the craziness starts. But don’t worry – you’ll be seeing a lot of us.”